So this is how disconnected I am with this show. I didn't know there was a Top 10 Girls Round and Top 10 Guys Round AND a results show this week. WHY? WHY MUST YOU STRETCH IT OUT THIS LONG?
And in not knowing of the gender-separated Top 10 Rounds, I missed the Top 10 Girls this week. So I'm just gonna watch both Top 10 Rounds one after the other but make separate posts. 20 reviews in one post is too much.
And of course, Ryan and Randy pimp the girls to the moon, which is part of the producer's strategy to stop the WGWG streak.
Side note: I have to stop listening to awesome singers before I watch these shows. I have "Make the World Move" still stuck in my head.
Zoanette the Awesome - "What's Love Got to Do With It" by Tina Turner
Zoanette ditched the blonde 'fro for auburn curls. *me gusta* She shows a lot of personality in her video package. She's kooky in a likeable way. Although she picks something fun and kind of bouncy, she's very off-key. The entire song is just very painful. She does the AI Poopy Dance a lot. Her belted notes sound half-growled, half-strangled. Her last notes are... interesting.
Nicki pointed out that she was off key.
Grade: FAIL. I realized I was grimacing through the whole performance. Zoanette has done much better.
Boring Breanna the Gargoyle - "Flaws and All" by Beyonce
And of course after Zoanette tries to do something fun, Breanna has to bore everyone to tears with a ballad. She does her gargoyle face again (I think I finally have a nickname for her) and goes off-key. Her upper register is very thin and not very powerful. Her second to last note was off-key at the end.
After the producers throw Zoanette under the bus, the judges praise Breanna like hell. Except Nicki, who I've surprisingly been agreeing with a lot this season.
Grade: D-. I wonder if I'll actually fall asleep during these performances.
Scrunchy Face Aubrey - "Big Girls Don't Cry" by Fergie
Aubrey looks like Breanna so I bet I'm gonna mix them up a lot. Neither of them are particularly interesting. Already at the first verse she's off-key. She has a scrunchy face which is slightly funny. Her vibrato sounds pretty goat-ish. How did I miss that last week?
The judges mostly talk about how pretty she is.
Grade: D. The performance itself was unremarkable.
Bland Janelle - "If I Can Dream" by Elvis Presley
I don't believe for a second that Janelle actually picked this song. Her accent in her video package seems much stronger than it was last week, which makes me suspect it's fake. She's singing a ballad while sitting on a stool. *zzzzzzzz* And she's off-key. Ugh. I'm getting tired of this shit and I'm only four singers in. I can tell she wants to fit in big moments in the song but a) the song is all wrong for that and b) she doesn't have the voice to do it. Her last run of notes are off-key.
The judges are salivating over her. Why? It wasn't even good.
Grade: D-. Someone needs to pick something uptempo soon.
Tenna Sans Her Big Weave - "Lost" by Faith Hill
Again, I don't believe Tenna picked this song. Does anyone believe she actually listens to, and likes, Faith Hill? She has Whitney, Aretha, and Beyonce written all over her. I think she was too focused on what wig she was gonna wear and not enough on her singing because ouch, that was painful. She's just not good. Her lower register fades out and her high notes are whiny and off-key. It sounds like a basket of cats floating in a bathtub.
Nicki slurred her critique a little. The judges gave bullshit critiques because the producers want a girl to win.
Grade: FAIL. In unrelated news, Gummi words dipped in Nutella are fucking delicious.
Angela Big Hair - "Never Gone" by Colton Dixon (who?)
I noticed in her video package that she has really big white teeth. I can't stop staring at them. She's at the piano and some of her runs are off-key. Honestly I would like Angela more if the show wasn't pimping her so much. They're acting like she's the best vocalist ever. She's really not. She's decent, but she's not amazing.
Keith mentions that Colton Dixon was on Idol last season, which explains why I don't know who he is. The judges do the crazy pimping again. *zzzzzzzzz* Not interested.
Grade: C-. I want to like her. But I can't make myself like her.
Amber - "I Believe In You and Me" by Whitney Houston (NOOOOOOOOOOO)
Almost immeadiately, I tuned out because the last thing I want to do after a day of classes is listen to a second-rate Whitney Houston cover. Especially one as oversung and off-key as this one. It was just run after run and KSAHKDJS STOP IT.
Keith wished there hadn't been so many runs (agreed). Mariah mispronounces "homage". It's pronounced "ohm-ahge". THE "H" IS SILENT, PEOPLE.
Kree the Janitor - "Stronger" by Faith Hill
I've heard this song way too much as past Idol auditions. Every country girl-Carrie Underwood-wannabe has sung this at their audition. Kree is wearing an unflattering baggy shirt again. Kree performs this overplayed country song in an unremarkable fashion and I have an overwhelming urge to change into my comfy pj pants because it'll give me something to do besides listen to her sing.
Why are the judges creaming their pants over these uninteresting people?
Grade: D-. She and Bland Janelle are as cookie-cutter as country singers get.
Adriana from Alaska - "Stand Up For Love" by Destiny's Child
When I saw that Adriana was singing Destiny's Child, I was hoping it would be something uptempo. But NOOOOOOOOOO. God forbid anyone sing anything uptempo. I've never even heard this song before. Some of her notes sound sheep-ish.
The judges said she sucked most out of everyone. I was unable to tell one boring singer apart from the other. People started booing Nicki and she told them off again. Mariah made the dumbest comment of the night by saying she didn't know what it meant when a song was "too big" for someone.
Grade: D-. It's literally 9:10 and my roommate is passed out from the boredom of this show.
Candice The Last Singer (THANK GOD) - "Ordinary People" by John Legend
Candice is boring. Plain and simple. And she's off-key. She oversings more than the
other black girl Amber (I couldn't remember her name so I had to look back at my notes). Candice is this season's token screechy diva. There's one every season because Idol keeps recycling the same type of contestants season after season.
The judges start the over the top pimping and I can feel myself falling asleep.
Just an fyi, I'm not gonna make a whole post for the results show. It's not worth the webspace. I'll just tack on the results at the end of the Top 10 Guys post.
And I can't watch two episodes in a row so I'll do it tomorrow morning.