I'll be tossing in some favorite Idol moments in here because reasons. Let's start with:
8:02 PM - They're all singing "Glad You Came". I've forgotten most of their names.
8:03 PM - One of the guys was trying to overmelisma the song but his microphone was off.
8:04 PM - Bo Bice is in the audience. Remember him?
8:10 PM - The Band Perry is performing. Who the fuck are they?
8:11 PM - Blonde bland country girl is singing with them. Can't remember her name.
8:15 PM - Wait, Idol is actually acknowledging the fact that all the guys went home one after the other?
8:16 PM - Oh never mind, they’re shrugging it off like it’s a joke. Fuck you, Idol.
8:18 PM - The guys are doing a group number. I bet Lazaro forgets his words again.
8:19 PM - I'm actually laughing, this is really fruity and corny.
8:21 PM - And now Frankie Valli’s here to sing with the guys. None of the tweenie Idol watchers know who the fuck he is.
8:29 PM - Mariah’s performing. *yawn*
8:38 PM - Other Black Girl is singing with Emeli Sande (I still don’t know who that is).
8:43 PM - Oh right, I forgot Idol whores out Ford. Ugh.
8:45 PM - Oh, it's the Gangnam Style dude. He has other songs?
8:53 PM - Keith Urban is performing. *zzzzzzzz*
9:00 PM - Candice is singing with Jennifer Hudson. Jennifer sounds great.
9:06 PM - Girl with big teeth and big hair is singing "Titanium".
9:07 PM - Oh,
Liza Minelli Adam Lambert is singing with her.
9:08 PM - Honestly, the Dancing With the Stars singer who did this song during Aly’s contemporary dance is miles better. You know this show sucks when the Dancing With the Stars singers are better than the contestants.
9:09 PM - Now she’s singing with Jessie J.
9:19 PM - Hahahaha, all the contestants basically said Randy’s critiques were repetitive and useless.
9:21 PM - Kree is singing with Keith. Kill me now.
9:30 PM - THEY’RE PLAYING THAT FUCKING BAD DAY SONG NOOOOOOOOOOOOO
9:34 PM - The girls are singing with Aretha via satellite. She sounds awesome. The girls not so much.
9:45 PM - Idol has resorted to advertising the auditions because no one wants to audition anymore.
9:49 PM - Jennifer Lopez is performing and I don’t care.
9:58 PM - Now the girls are singing "One Less Bell to Answer/ A House is Not a Home". ENOUGH. TELL ME WHO WON SO I CAN CELEBRATE THE SEASON BEING OVER.
10:01 PM - And the finale's gone over time. Again.
And FINALLY, the results. Candice wins. Watch her not sell any albums. That would be funny.
Solid effort, Vote For the Worst. imo, this was a losing battle when the producers stacked the guys with fuggos less talented than the girls. Fuck them, you guys are awesome. Good for you for sticking it out for nine seasons of this swill. Best of luck to everyone there. You will be missed.
And so ends the (most likely) last and most boring season of American Idol. Well done, producers, you've succeeded in running the show into the ground. And as for the two people on here who've been reading my blog posts, I think it's time you knew that I made these blog posts to see if my opinions could piss anyone off. And what do you know, it worked. So thanks for fulfilling the stereotype that Idol watchers are delusional idiots dumb enough to believe that this giant scam is quality television. Reality check: the show is terrible and if you took it seriously at this point, you probably have an IQ below 60.
And if this isn't the last season of Idol, I'll be back at this again next year. Fun fun fun.
"Good-bye everyone, I'll remember you all in therapy!" - Plankton